So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
