In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
