I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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