i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
