I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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