im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
