So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
