I hate all girls vehemently.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
