@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
