my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
