i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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