I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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