SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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