I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
