I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
