Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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