a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
