at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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