I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
