Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
