I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Naked Twister starts at high noon
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
