Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
