i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
