I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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