I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
