sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
