how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
