his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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