I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
