I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
