My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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