Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just want nice things and good sex
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
