Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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