I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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