guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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