I'm gonna have a badass scar
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
