DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Congratulations! We have a period
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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