Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Success! We fucked roommates!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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