I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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