i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
