Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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