I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
