I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I see more hoeing in ur future
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