im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
