so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
