I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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