Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
time to smoke my breakfast
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
