This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
