i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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