I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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