I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
