3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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