Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
